Listen and Remember

Memorial Day.....a day to reMEMber....a day to meMORialize....a day to pay tribute to all the fallen American soldiers in wars past and present. But how best to do that? I found out today --by simply spending time REALLY listening.

The Bud and I were working on some heavy-duty renovation projects this weekend. In the middle of one of our wall-building events (no lie), our next-door neighbor came over to check on our progress and shoot the breeze. Little did we realize the wealth of knowledge that would pour from this man over the next two days in the form of tips and tricks of construction to make our project much easier, less time consuming, and waaaay better on the stress meter ;)

But... in the midst of all this great info came other conversations as well. We began to understand this man a bit better as he relayed stories from his service during the Vietnam War. As we listened, we really began to HEAR how he lives his life today BECAUSE of his service during the Vietnam War some almost-fifty years ago. He gave reasons for his jumping at various sounds some of our equipment made while working on our project. His sleeping patterns have never been that great because of never WANTING to go to sleep in Vietnam, for fear of being ambushed. Rainy days are better than sunny days, in his opinion --rainy days are less stressful; no one wants to go outside, so there's less chance of anyone wreaking havoc. How a lot of people just will never understand what veterans have gone through; in his words, "no one understands that you have 40 years of nightmares to deal with."

The Bud is wonderful at listening to these men from the generation before ours as they tell their stories. I am learning. I am trying to take a page from his playbook and do this as well. I tend to want to hear the story more quickly and move on to the next thing. He, on the other hand, knows the value of taking to time to listen. He has gleaned much wisdom and knowledge from these conversations. I decided this weekend I was going to slow down and listen as well. So I did.

My God is amazing at timing and He shows love to all, with no partiality. Not only did He help me hone my listening skills, not only did he give The Bud someone to help him with quick tips, but He also allowed us to honor someone for their service to us all on the very weekend that is dedicated to that.....and all just by sitting, listening, asking questions, and hearing answers. .

I've seen lots of reminders for Memorial Day these last few days on Facebook and most of them were reprimands to us all about BBQ's, picnics, and days off. I understand the sentiment behind it, but I also think that taking time to listen to a veteran usually can only happen at BBQ's, picnics, and days off. We didn't have a BBQ or a picnic --in truth we were building walls and using sledgehammers (no lie)-- but I did have a day off and we spent it listening to a Vietnam War Veteran and for that I am one grateful American Citizen.

Thank You to all who gave some, and some who gave all.

Refined

Next month The Bud and I will be married 32 years. This morning...well, just look at the picture. I cried my eyes out for a good long time, while my amazing husband tried to console me. These rings have been on my finger our entire married life, except for when I would occasionally take them off --as in this instance. Last night, I had been buttering potatoes for baking and figured they'd be safe in the cup of our juicer.....yes, in hindsight that does sound terrible, and writing it even now I'm thinking, "man that just looks and sounds dumb!" but i had done it once before and thought they would be safe there instead of on the kitchen counter. No chance of them being whisked into the sink and down the drain......yeah frown emoticon

This morning I got up and, as part of my morning routine, stuffed the juicer cup full of spinach, then carrots, then apple.....and started 'er up.....it did sound funny, but I just thought it was apple seeds rolling around in there.....but as it was louder than usual, i stopped it after a few more turns, not wanting to wake up The Bud. Then it hit me like a lightning bolt and I looked down at my hand and saw the indentation where rings should be and were not.frown emoticon

Still not wanting to wake him, i just stood there at the sink, weeping as quietly as possible  wink emoticon But, being the perceptive man he is, he got up and came out to see what the commotion was, hoping that I had not swallowed a juicer blade or something! I had to hurriedly tell him that I was not hurt but had something sad to tell him.....and proceeded to relay my tale of woe. He, of course, was just glad I had not inadvertently hurt myself and was full of grace and compassion for my goofy mistake. We found the pieces by straining the juice through a sieve and salvaged everything we could find. He even offered to see if we couldn't take all of it to a jeweler, along with his wedding band, and see if they couldn't combine it all and make two new rings! You see, he hadn't worn his since becoming a police officer anyway (he never wanted his "clients" to know he was married), so it would be like both of us would be getting brand new rings wink emoticon What a sweet, inventive, and grace-filled thought. I love him so.

But I did tell him I'm not sure at this point what I may want to do with these remnants. Part of me wants to keep them as they have now become --being the pondering person I am, I figure they are a great metaphor for a real life, long term, life long marriage. It's hard. It takes work, commitment, compromise, and sacrifice. You learn how to not be so naturally selfish after a while if you want the greater good of a healthy marriage full of life and vitality. Life throws every imaginable ugliness at you and your spouse, either from outside or inside, during a life long marriage. But, if you determine that each of you is going to commit to what God intended, no matter what --no matter how life seems to grind you up, then each of you can weather it all --and weather it together.

If you look at the picture closely you will notice the engagement band fully intact and in one piece, as is the wedding band; yes, they're both battered and misshapen, but intact nonetheless. Two separate rings demonstrating one commitment. Both still unbroken, both still never ending. The broken pieces are an anniversary band, given to me by The Bud on our 12th or 13th anniversary....I could consider those pieces representative of times in our marriage where it looked dark and scary and felt ripped apart, but then it is surrounded by those two unbroken rings. And grace even comes in when, several hours later I go and examine the rings more closely, notice the diamond missing out of the engagement band, then go to the kitchen sink and find it in the drain plug, sitting quietly among the ruins of juice sludge and old lemons, teetering ever so slightly between the crevices where it would slip easily down the drain the next time water was turned on, but for the fact that I "happened" to go out there and look in the sink one more time.....yeah, that's my God.

One of my favorite portions of movie dialogue comes from one of my all-time favorite movies, "Yours, Mine, and Ours" --the OLD version with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball --I think of it often when I read younger women's posts on fb about life and always want to give this as an encouragement to keep going, even when life gets hard with husband, kids, dogs, groceries, homework, etc --so here it is:
"I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you. It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts."

God is good, my friends, and He loves us so.